Showing posts with label Friday Funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friday Funnies. Show all posts

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Friday Funnies: Government Employees

It was a busy day yesterday and once again (yes I have short term memory loss!) I forgot to post the Friday Funnies! I posted this a while back (read it and see how long it's been) but it's still funny today!




I hate having to go to any kind of government office. I think every government employee has to take a class on how to tick off customers. The post office specializes in slowness. The Social Security office specializes in b.s. The Driver's License office likes to give you the run around. And I am sure every other government related office in the United States is the same way. Don't get me wrong, I like President Bush. If Molly had been a boy her middle name would have been Walker (yes I am Republican). But good grief!!! This is ridiculous!!! Case in point:
I went to get my driver's license switched from Arkansas to Mississippi(pain in the butt #1). Wait in a line of 20+ people with my 4 year old (pain in the butt #2, the line not the child....well?)before I can get my number to wait again. Then when I get up to the desk, the lady proceeds to tell me the long list of ridiculous things that I must have in order to get my license. Social Security card, current license, car registration and a bill showing my legal address(pain #4). Well just for the record. I changed my Social Security card 4 years ago to my married name, but I lost it. However, I still have my original Social Security card that has my maiden name. My driver's license from Arkansas has both names as well. The "helpful" lady at the desk with the coveted numbers proceeds to tell me that I may not be able to get my license with that social security card. She asks me "Do you have your birth certificate or marriage license?" I thought about it for a minute and tried to hold back the word vomit. My first reaction was to tell her "Well yes! Let me pull it out of my purse. Because everyone carries those papers with them all the time!" Then I thought about Bill Engvall and wanted to say "Here's your sign!" But I refrained, rolled my eyes and said "you know I sure don't". She handed me a number and said good luck. At this point I was concerned. Am I about to meet the wicked witch of the driver's license office? At this point we wait.....and wait........and wait............and finally get to the desk. First thing, "that will be $20."(pain #, where am I....oh #5) Then the sign......."Cash only"......... Why the "helpful" lady at the front failed to tell me this I don't know. So we leave to get cash. Of course my bank doesn't have a branch close by, so I pay $2 extra dollars to get $20.(#6)
We return......wait again..........still waiting..........waiting.........WAITING! Finally get back to the desk. Different person this time. Hand her my money. Things are buzzing along. Along with the sound of Molly telling me for the umpteenth time she is hungry and needs to "Poop!" (that part she said loudly)(pain #7) Then the lady looks at me funny and asks if I had a license in Texas. I said yes. (all of you know that we have moved a million times in the 3 years). "Well then........ ", she proceeds to tell me we have to call the other office to get the moving restriction taken off......What!?.........we wait AGAIN!!!! In the mean time Molly is fading quickly because she hasn't eaten in 2 hours and her sweet little girl voice is turning into this shreaking, loud, whiny squeal that she needs to POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally....take the picture.....wait wait wait......take Molly to the bathroom. Pick up my license and there it is. "Make checks payable to MS Highway Patrol."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It's a good thing that license is good for 5 years because I'm not going back. I dare someone to steal my purse. Because this lady will kick some purse grabbing butt!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Friday Funnies: The Radio and 1980





Summer has begun. I cleaned out my classroom a week or so ago and Molly wanted to play with my cd/radio. So we plug it up in her room. It was a mistake! Now all we hear from dawn til dusk is one of two songs "Awesome God" or Taylor Swift's "I hate that stupid old pick up truck". Molly comes dashing down the hall singing at the top of her lungs, hair flying through the air in her "rockstar" clothes. She's even recruited the girl next door. They go back there in Molly's room and come out dressed up like a 1980's Barbie Rocker doll! It brings back horrifing memories for me because I know what's coming next! Neon tights, miniskirts and big hair! Must fight the need to crimp my hair and have big bangs! Can't give in....can't give in!


 

Friday, June 10, 2011

Friday Funnies: Bathroomitis


This blog originally started out as a way to post everyday happenings with my family, but turned into the coupon blog you see today. But in keeping with what House of Collums originally started as, here is the latest thing out of my daughter's mouth:

My daughter Molly has bathromitis! We go in every bathroom, in every store, every time we go somewhere! We were in Target today when she discovered the feminine hygiene machine and began to read! "T-A-M-P-O-N-S. Mom what's that spell?" I told her it's something adults use and not to worry about it right now. Then I hear, "Hey look! They have napkins in here! And they are only 25 cents! That's why they have that garbage can right there, so after you wipe off your face with that napkin you can throw it away. Hey mom, do we need any napkins?" I wanted to flush myself down the toilet as I listened to the other bathroom patrons giggle in the stalls!


Have a funny story about your kids? Send it to me (thehouseofcollums at gmail dot com) and you could be featured on HOC Friday Funnies.